


Take your time

by i_like_your_shoelaces



Series: Healthy/Fluffy ship fics I wrote while I was depressed [4]
Category: NCT (Band)
Genre: Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, Fluff and Angst, Friends to Lovers, Getting Together, It Gets Worse Before It Gets Better, Kissing, Love Confessions, M/M, References to Depression, Sad with a Happy Ending, a few other exo members are there too, baek heechul and hyuck all are friends, but since i cant write a sad ending it gets real fluffy, cause fuck you thats why, even tho im shit at writing kissing scenes, it gets real sad but then a lot better, just read to the end ffs, mark is really caring, starts as a songfic, to "hostage" by billie eilish
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-01-26
Updated: 2019-01-26
Packaged: 2019-10-10 06:01:15
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 4
Words: 6,454
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17420417
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/i_like_your_shoelaces/pseuds/i_like_your_shoelaces
Summary: "I will gladly wait an eternity for you, Lee Donghyuck."-*-"You said you'd wait an eternity for me, but I don't think I can wait that long."(basically hyuck is really having a hard time and mark is really sweet.)remember to always seek out help if you ever feel depressed and it is okay to not be ready for something





	1. Make sure you eat well, because it’ll all pass

**Author's Note:**

> the chapter titles are lyrics from "Ending Scene" by IU  
> pls go listen shes a queen
> 
> tw for unhealthy thoughts and references to depression
> 
> this hasnt been edited and was written in like two hours so tell me if i need to fix anything

 

 _He's drunk_ , Donghyuck keeps reminding himself.  _He's drunk and you cant trust anything he does because it's the alcohol talking not him._

 

Mark was knocking on Donghyuck's door, bloodstream tainted with regretful bottles of medicine to mask the real world.

 

"Hyuckie?" Mark slurred, still managing to sound worried while intoxicated, "Are you in there? I miss youuuu."

 

The way he dragged out the last word made Donghyuck smile a little.

 

He thinks back to what happened just moments ago.

 

 

 

> Donghyuck walked in the dorms looking for the other members of 127.
> 
> "Hello? Hyungs?"
> 
> "Come in here, Haechan! The kitchen." Taeyong called from the other room.
> 
> Donghyuck made his way over, shedding his jacket and shoes at the front door.
> 
> When he made his way to the kitchen he was greeted by the sight of a buzzed Mark. Still in the early stages of being drunk, but he didn't look like he was going to stop anytime soon.
> 
> Mark was grinning at Donghyuck when he walked in, "Hyuckie, where were you?"
> 
> "I was with Jaemin. He fell asleep and wouldn't let me go, you know how much he loves to cuddle." Donghyuck smiled back.
> 
> Johnny laughed knowingly, Jaemin had a death grip when he was asleep.
> 
> But Mark frowned, "You were sleeping with Nana?"
> 
> Donghyuck was confused and laughed nervously, "Well, not like that. But we did fall asleep together."
> 
> Mark just looked at Donghyuck with sad eyes, his voice quieter, "Why him and not me?"
> 
> The room froze.
> 
> "W-what?" Donghyuck asked, ears red.
> 
> Mark opened his mouth to speak but Yuta rushed to cover his mouth with his hand, "He's a lightweight."
> 
> Winwin laughed nervously, a sound that only made Donghyuck more confused.
> 
> No one made eye contact with Donghyuck who now had a heavy pain in his chest.
> 
> "I think I'm going to go to bed." Donghyuck said softly, voice rough.
> 
> He walked away in silence, the light mood covered with a thick layer of tension.

 

"How much have you drank, Mark?" Donghyuck asked. He meant for his voice to be teasing, but it came out wavering and scared.

 

There was shuffling outside the door and Mark responded, "Only had one bottle, I'm basically sober. Wha's wrong Hyuckie? Let hyungie in, will you?"

 

Donghyuck sighed, walking to his door and unlocking it. He opened it to see Mark standing in front of him.

 

Eyes slightly lidded and cheeks flushed from the liquor.

 

Donghyuck took in the sight, not knowing what to do. Mark stared right back, looking deep into Donghyuck's eyes as if he was trying to read him like a book.

 

Mark always could.

 

Worry washed over Mark's face, "Why are you sad? You shouldn't be sad, ever."

 

Donghyuck let his heart flutter at that,  _only because he's drunk and won't remember_ , he tells himself.

 

He's a liar.

 

"Do you want to lay down, your hangover will be better if you do." Donghyuck asks and neither of them move further inside the room.

 

Mark gave Donghyuck a pleading look to answer his questions.

 

Who was Donghyuck to deny him anything he want?

 

"If you come lay down I'll tell you whats wrong." Donghyuck tries, moving so Mark could walk in.

 

Mark thought it over before nodding and sitting on the bed.

 

Donghyuck let his eyes linger for a second too long before moving to follow.

 

His mind wandered as he situated himself across from Mark, legs crossed.

 

There was a song that Ten showed him,  _an American singer named Billie Eilish._

 

He heard the opening notes in his head, but felt them in his heart. 

 

\--  
I wanna be alone  
Alone with you, does that make sense?  
\--

 

Donghyuck looked at Mark, watching as he laid on the bed, trying to get comfortable.

 

_When I want to be alone with you, I mean the real you. Not Mark who pushes me away, but Minhyung who used to let me cry on his shoulder._

_This is why I like drunk Mark, he acts more like Minhyung than Mark does._

 

\--  
I wanna steal your soul  
And hide you in my treasure chest  
\--

 

Mark looked up at Donghyuck and patted the spot next to him on the bed, "C'me here, Duckie."

 

The old nickname hurt more than anything else.

 

The sting of past memories, replayed too often by Donghyuck. Back when Mark would hold him back, when Mark let Donghyuck fall in love.

 

Donghyuck crawled and laid next to him, tears brimming in his eyes. 

 

Mark immediately moved closer. Wrapping his arms around Donghyuck's waist and burying his face in Donghyuck's neck.

 

Donghyuck wrapped his arms around Mark's shoulders, trying not to show the badly concealed tears that he refused to let fall.

  
\--  
I don't know what to do  
To do with your kiss on my neck  
\--

 

Donghyuck felt helpless, as he cradled the boy he loved so close, but never close enough.

 

Mark's lips were pressed against Donghyuck's neck, but it can't be a kiss. Donghyuck refuses to believe

 

They moved across his skin, tickling Donghyuck, "Your turn."

 

Donghyuck tensed, remembering his part of the deal.

 

He could lie, but Mark- no, Minhyung- would be able to tell.

 

\--  
I don't know what feels true  
\--

 

Donghyuck pressed his face into Mark's hair and let a few tears fall as he let himself cherish the moment of Minhyung caring.

 

"I just missed you." Donghyuck whispered, his breathing becoming more desperate.

 

\--  
But this feels right so stay a sec  
Yeah, you feel right so stay a sec  
\--

 

Mark shifted, probably to look up at Donghyuck. But Donghyuck only toughened his hold, keeping Mark from looking.

 

Donghyuck took a sharp intake of breath before letting out a barely audible, "Please stay, for just a second."

 

"Always, Donghyuck." Mark said, arms tightening around Donghyuck.

  
\--  
And let me crawl inside your veins  
I'll build a wall, give you a ball and chain  
\--

 

Donghyuck wanted nothing more than to replace alcohol inside Mark's veins with love.

 

He wanted to make Mark feel the same about him and Donghyuck felt. He wanted Mark to feel the pain and wanting.

 

He wanted to keep this memory of Mark forever, and never let him leave.

 

Because Donghyuck felt loved, and at the cost of Mark's freedom, he let himself indulge in one night of holding the boy close before he would try and push Donghyuck away. Permanently.

 

Like he always did.

 

\--  
It's not like me to be so mean  
You're all I wanted  
\--

 

Donghyuck shakes the thought,  _it's cruel to wish these feelings upon someone else._

 

_I just want to feel the love back._

 

\--  
Just let me hold you  
like a hostage  
\--

 

_I want to feel these arms around me every night, to feel reassured._

 

Donghyuck sniffled,  _but I also want you to be happy, and to be that you are not with me. It would be a safe feeling for me, but a prison for you, to be this close forever._

 

Donghyuck's arm lost their strength, and Mark took this opportunity to move up on the bed so they were face to face.

 

\--  
Gold on your fingertips  
Fingertips against my cheek  
\--

 

Mark raised a hand to wipe the tears away, the touch burning.

 

Donghyuck always looked at Mark like he was everything. Like he was a Greek God, but all he got was the golden statue left at a temple.

 

_He wasn't even worthy of seeing Mark this close, for his selfish thoughts need to end before he can._

 

\--  
Gold leaf across your lips  
Kiss me until I can't speak  
\--

 

Mark's lips moved, glistening in the light coming from the slightly open door, "Be honest with me, Haechan."

 

The name hurt in a different way than the previous one.

 

This one left a bitter taste in Donghyuck's mouth, "My name is Donghyuck."

 

Donghyuck stared into Mark's eyes, he let himself be hurt and hardened his gaze.

 

Mark's soft, regretful, eyes stared back, "I know."

 

"Then why do you only call me by my name sometimes? You know I only use the stage name because you gave it to me and hearing you say it h-hurts." Donghyuck choked out, his facade began to crack like stone.

 

\--  
Gold chain beneath your shirt  
The shirt that you let me wear home  
\--

 

Mark was taken aback as Donghyuck's cold-hearted expression crumpled into a broken one.

 

Mark pulled his face into his chest and ran his hands up and down his back.

 

Donghyuck's fingers curled into the black sweatshirt Mark was wearing.

 

He remembers when they had just debuted with Dream. Donghyuck had gotten a lot of hate, for no reason other than bastards who abused the keyboard and his heart.

 

Mark had comforted him, while walking home from dinner. It was cold, and the tears felt like icicles across his puffy cheeks.

 

Donghyuck almost laughs at the deja-vu.

 

He remembers that Mark gave him his sweatshirt to hide his face from the cameras.

 

Donghyuck kept it for a while, only returning it in the summer.

 

The fateful summer when the words burned more than the heat.

 

Donghyuck feels the metal chain of Mark’s cross beneath the fabric.

 

 _Its wrong for him_ , Donghyuck thinks, _he’d say it’s a sin_.

 

—  
Gold's fake and real love hurts  
—

 

As much as Donghyuck thinks of Mark, which is everything, he knows the boy is human.

 

If he ever told Mark he would find excuses for Donghyuck not to love him, to try and show cracks in the gold surface.

 

But Donghyuck would only see diamonds in the flaws.

 

And it hurts, knowing that it isn’t a two way street.

 

So Donghyuck tells himself that tonight he will walk down the street one last time before driving away for good.

 

—  
But nothing hurts when I'm alone  
—

 

He thinks to the fight, lasting two months. It was unbearable but for different reasons.

 

Donghyuck was devastated because he started to feel numb.

 

Mark brought color into his life, and made it grey just as fast.

 

 _And it was all my fault_ , Donghyuck thought, _because I thought ignoring him and pushing him away would fix my broken heart._

 

—  
When you're with me and we're alone  
—

 

He thinks of the times, in the early stages, when he thought Mark could feel the same.

 

Donghyuck let the rare moments fuel his desire.

 

He let the times that Mark used to buy him dinner, when he would take Donghyuck to the movies, when Mark would come home and go to Donghyuck's room instead of his own.

 

It's not like Mark ignores him.

 

He still gives the boy attention, cares for him like a good hyung.

 

But Donghyuck thinks to before they debuted, when Mark treated him like more than just a friend.

 

He knew it was different, he isn't blind.

 

But he feels as if he was dropped into a dark room with how little he can see about Mark nowadays.

  
—  
And let me crawl inside your veins  
I'll build a wall, give you a ball and chain  
—

 

Donghyuck opens his eyes, not even realizing he closed them.

 

He sees Mark looking at him, with his own tears in his eyes.

 

Donghyuck feels the urge to kiss them away, and let Mark feel all the love he feels for him.

 

But Donghyuck knew if he did that he would sign away his heart and take Mark’s, unwanted.

 

—  
It's not like me to be so mean  
You're all I wanted  
—

 

Donghyuck likes to believe he is kind, so he finds the selfish urges to be confusing.

 

He just wants Mark.

 

Mark was crying now, with Donghyuck.

 

”What’s wrong, Minhy- Mark?” Donghyuck almost slipped.

 

He cursed himself in his head for it, refusing to let himself take anymore.

 

Mark sighed, eyes wandering across Donghyuck's face like he was reading a book, "I love you."

 

 

—  
Just let me hold you  
Hold you like a hostage  
—

 

 _Its happening_ , Donghyuck thinks.

 

Hes letting Mark in again.

 

”You're drunk, stop talking.” Donghyuck reasoned, “You don’t mean this.”

 

Now here he was, Donghyuck thought he was the one who captured Mark when he wanted to fly away.

 

But Donghyuck had only imprisoned himself.

 

He threw himself in a comfort zone that was anything but so.

 

He told himself Mark would never feel that way. That Mark would never care.

 

But he had just turned a blind eye.

 

”Why do you think they call it the drunk truth, Hyuckie.” Mark said, voice low and gruff, "Plus, I told you. I only had one bottle, I'm sober."

 

Mark stared, waiting for Donghyuck to say something, anything.

 

When he refused to face Mark, the older boy stood up from the bed, "We are going to talk tomorrow, I won't forget."

 

Mark leaned down and kissed Donghyuck's hair, then he turned and walked to the door.

 

He turned back before he closed the door, "Goodnight, my sun."

 

Donghyuck felt himself let out a sob at the name, hands coming up to cover his mouth as the sobs wracked his body.

 

—  
Like a hostage  
—

 

Donghyuck cried silently, trying to find an explanation, anything to keep himself from feeling again.

 

This was supposed to be his last night, his last time to fall in love with Mark and then he would walk away. 

 

But here he is, chaining his own heart to his dangerously wandering mind like a hostage of his own thoughts.

 

__

Hostage by Billie Eilish  
\--


	2. You'll be able to sleep well like you did before

 

 

Donghyuck woke up in a panic.

 

Last night had been awful.

 

Mark had done it. He had said he loves Donghyuck.

 

 

_He doesn't mean it. How could he? You don't have anything to be loved._

 

Donghyuck knows these thoughts aren't good. He's had them for nearly two months now.

 

He's talked to Taeyong about them, who told their favorite manager.

 

For about three weeks he's been going to a therapist on Tuesday's and Thursday's.

 

No one knows but the three of them.

 

Donghyuck has been working on those thoughts for quite some time. He had gotten to a somewhat stable place, until last night.

 

Now, all he can do is feel terrible.

  

He talked to Dr. Park, getting back reassuring words.

 

"He says he loves you."

 

"Yes." Donghyuck reconfirms.

 

"And you love him?" Dr. Park asks.

 

Donghyuck hesitates, "I don't think I know what love is. I don't love myself, so how am I supposed to know? My parents love me, so do my siblings. My friends do too, but when you say love I don't know what to do. I feel platonic love for others, and from them too. But romantically, I am not sure."

 

Dr. Park shifts in his seat, "You've never felt romantically towards someone? No crushes, or spouses?"

 

Donghyuck shakes his head.

 

"But what do you feel about Mark then?" Dr. Park encourages, "Just tell me. It doesn't have to have a label. Just tell me what you think of him, what you want from him."

 

Donghyuck thought for a second before starting, "I feel different about him. He makes me feel weird. Mark makes me feel happy and motivated, but not because he tries but because I feel like I want to be better. It's hard to explain. I see how excited he gets when I get out of bed before noon. I see how he smiles when he sees me eating three meals a day. And it makes me want to continue living the right way.

 

"I think of Mark different than the other guys. I see him as happiness. The embodiment of happiness and hope. I think he is amazing. He works so hard but always keeps going. I think of him as my best friend, above everything. He is always there for me and he takes care of me when I can't take care of myself. But he knows that I can't rely on him. He lets me fall and get back up on my own, and he knows the exact time I can't do things by myself.

 

"I'm not sure what I want from him, other than for him to be around me. We live together, eat together, work together. But I want more. I don't know how to explain the urge I feel to be closer to him. Even when I'm sitting right next to him it's not enough. I guess, I just want him."

 

Donghyuck finished, breathing a little heavier from the rambling.

 

Dr. Park smiled at him, "Donghyuck, it seems like you feel romantically about him. It may or may not be love, but there doesn't need a label."

 

Donghyuck nods, knowing the answer deep down all along.

 

"I have another question. Why does it make you so sad when he says he feels the same? Why do you refuse to accept it?" Dr. Park asked, genuinely confused.

 

Donghyuck shrugged, "It's my mind. I've convinced myself for so long that I am worthless that it can't help but feel it was lied to. Mark, he is perfect. Even with his flaws he manages to overcome everything. I guess I was kind of jealous of the fact that he has enough love to share for others. Whereas I have to choose, is it me? Or him?"

 

Dr. Park nodded and wrote something down in his notebook. He raised his head and said, "Donghyuck, you feel strongly about Mark. Say you two were talking and he said that he is having trouble with his dancing and can't help you with yours. Do you get mad? Or do you understand?"

 

"I understand. Sometimes, it's best to focus on your needs." Donghyuck responded immediately, not realizing his contradiction.

 

"Then why wouldn't he understand. If you went home and told him you weren't sure how you felt because you aren't in the right space for that kind of emotion, would he be mad? If he truly loves you, he will not only understand but want to help, even if he cannot." Dr. Park said.

 

Now, Donghyuck was in his managers car, on their way back to the dorm.

 

"You feeling better now that you got to talk?" The manager asked, honestly concerned.

 

Donghyuck nodded, "Much better. Thank you again, for caring."

 

"Oh, of course. I've been with you since you were in middle school. Donghyuck, I honestly see you like a younger brother, I'm here for you like your members are." The manager said, eyes flitting up for just a second to reach Donghyuck's.

 

Donghyuck smiled, "Thank you. I feel the same, hyung."

 

The manager hummed and they pulled into the building, "I know you usually have your sessions while others are out at lunch, but today they had the day off and might ask where you were. If they ask me, what do you want me to say?"

 

Donghyuck thought for a minute before deciding, "Just be honest. Say it was a doctors appointment, if they ask what kind say a therapist. If they don't, they don't need to know."

 

The manager nodded and Donghyuck got out.

 

When he got in the elevator, he went up two floors before he stopped. Donghyuck's dorm was on the tenth floor, so he scooted to the corner to make room for anybody getting in.

 

Baekhyun and Heechul stumbled in loudly.

 

Donghyuck had never felt more relieved.

 

These were his people. They actually were all pretty close. Three generations of idols.

 

They talk about their troubles, being the funny member took it's toll. In fact, when Donghyuck told they he was seeing a therapist he found out they all went to see the same one.

 

"Hyuckie!"

 

"Donghyuck!"

 

They said excitedly, "We haven't seen you in a few days. How are you?"

 

Donghyuck wondered if he should just lie. But these were his friends, ones who truly cared, "Honestly, not too good."

 

Baekhyun's smile was swept off his face, "Do you want to talk? Heechul and I were about to go to the cafe to get some lunch, do you want to join us?"

 

Donghyuck knows the members are probably wondering where he is by now. He's been gone a little over an hour, but the invitation was really appealing.

 

"Sure."

 

They smiled comfortingly and pressed the lobby floor which had the cafe.

 

"So, what's wrong?" Heechul asked, wrapping an arm around his shoulders.

 

Donghyuck leaned into it, "It's about love."

 

"So it's about Mark?" Baekhyun blurted out. Heechul kicked his shin and glared. "Sorry, I wasn't sure if you knew."

 

"No, it's fine." Donghyuck said, "It is about Mark though."

 

Baekhyun said, "Tell us everything you are okay with sharing."

 

"Well," Donghyuck said, "I'm having a lot of insecure thoughts. I was getting better when Mark said it last night."

 

Heechul's brows furrowed, "Said what?"

 

"Said he loved me."

 

Baekhyun and Heechul jumped in surprise, Baekhyun said, "That's amazing Hyuck! But you don't look too excited."

 

Donghyuck shrugged, "I don't really have that much appreciation for myself. And the fact that he said he loves me makes me wonder why. I found out today that I do feel strongly about him too, but I'm so scared."

 

They reached their floor and made their way down the hall.

 

Heechul said, "It's okay to be scared. Love is complicated."

 

"Very." Baekhyun nodded, "But I think you should tell him that you need time. You obviously aren't ready for anything, but I'm worried that he feels bad for pressuring you."

 

Heechul agreed, "Knowing you, when he said he loved you, you probably just shut down. Which isn't your fault, but Mark probably thinks he did something wrong when he honestly just didn't know."

 

Donghyuck nodded, "Yeah. I'll talk to him after lunch. For now, I want to feel happy again."

 

Baekhyun smiled as they sat at a table. They ordered their usual, three chamomile tea's and a slice of every cake they had.

 

They usually share everything. Sitting together and talking comfortably is probably one of Donghyuck's favorite things.

 

"Did anyone hear that weird noise last night?" Heechul asked.

 

Baekhyun snorted and said, "Last night, Jongdae and Kyungsoo thought it would be a good idea to sled down the building stairs in a laundry basket. But keep in mind, the laundry baskets are tall, not wide. So, they went down and rolled down a whole floor."

 

Donghyuck cracked a smile, feeling better already. But feeling even better when he pulled out his phone and showed them the video.

 

Heechul looked at the younger boy fondly and ruffled his hair affectionately.

 

They talked and ate for nearly two hours.

 

They didn't mean to, they were just having fun.

 

While Heechul was in the middle of telling a story about filming on the TV show, "Knowing Brothers", there was a loud shout from the hall beside the cafe.

 

"Lee Donghyuck!" a familiar voice yelled.

 

Donghyuck jumped, head snapping to look through the glass walls of the restaurant to see Mark looking around wildly, not seeing him.

 

"Oh my god! It's 3. I've been out for three and a half hours without telling my members." Donghyuck groaned.

 

Heechul and Baekhyun just laughed. Heechul said, "You should go. We both need to leave soon too for our own schedules."

 

"You sure?" Donghyuck asked and they nodded. Donghyuck smiled, "I missed you guys, even though I saw you three days ago."

 

"We missed you to." They said at the same time. Giggling as they did, Baekhyun said, "Now go. We will text you later. And good luck."

 

Donghyuck nodded, before standing up and walking out the cafe.

 

As soon as he stepped out, Mark's eyes fell on him.

 

Mark's face went from worried to relieved and he rushed over, "Oh my god, I was so worried."

 

Donghyuck smiled at that, "I'm fine, Mark."

 

"But we didn't know that." Mark said, taking Donghyuck's hand and pulling him into the elevator, "I woke up, ready to go talk with you and you were just gone. No one knew where you were." 

 

Donghyuck sighed, partly grateful for the calm of the meek elevator, "I'm sorry for making you worry."

 

"Where were you? I thought you ran because of what I said last-"

 

Mark was cut off when the doors opened and Minseok and Chanyeol barged in.

 

"Mark! Donghyuck!" Chanyeol said excitedly, "Haven't seen you guys in forever- well no. I saw Donghyuck last week."

 

Chanyeol winked and Donghyuck smiled. Minseok walked over and hugged Donghyuck, "Thank you for keeping Baekhyun occupied the last two hours, that man needs to get out more. He told us you went out to lunch with him and Heechul."

 

Donghyuck nodded and chuckled.

 

Mark was confused, "Wait, why were you there last week?"

 

Chanyeol laughed, "Mark, you didn't know? Donghyuck is like best friends with Baekhyun and Heechul. He came over for movie night on Friday."

 

Mark frowned, "Wait-"

 

"Don't worry, Markie." Minseok said, calmer, "He's just joking. Everyone know's Donghyuck is all yours."

 

The two NCT members flushed at the wording.

 

Minseok realized how it sounded and stuttered, saying, "I meant as best friends! He always talks about you so we know he is definitely your best friend."

 

Mark flushed even darker and Donghyuck let out a small, embarrassed high pitched whine, "Hyung!"

 

"You two are just like little middle school kids." Chanyeol grinned, "Don't be so nervous, it's okay to care about people."

 

Donghyuck looked down at his shoes and bit his lip, he felt Mark's eyes on him.

 

"Thanks, you guys, but we gotta go. Fullsun over here was gone for three hours without telling us." Mark said when the elevator dinged at their floor.

 

The others nodded understandingly, "See you next week for Wii Bowling, Hyuck!" Chanyeol called out as they walked down the hall.

 

Mark stopped in front of their door and was about to open it when Donghyuck said, "Wait!"

 

Mark froze, "Why, what's wrong?"

 

Donghyuck sighed, "I kind of want to talk to you, privately. Like, right now."

 

Mark's eyes flashed with sadness and nodded morosely. Donghyuck grabbed his hand and pulled him through the door and into the stairwell.

 

As soon as the door shut, Mark started, "Look, I'm so sorry for last night. I should've known it made you uncomfortable. I wasn't lying about what I said, and I understand if you want me to take a step back from now on. I'm really sorry for pushing you into such an inescapable position."

 

Donghyuck shook his head, "No, Mark. You did catch me off guard, but I'm not mad. To be honest, I'm so confused. About myself and about us."

 

Mark nodded, eager to hear the rest.

 

"I'm not good with feelings. I have had a lot of issues with myself, and I'm working on it. For about an hour, twice a week, I go see a therapist." Donghyuck said.

 

He was scared Mark would be mad and say 'why didn't you tell me?'

 

But Mark just smiled wide and grinned. His eyes widened slightly in pleasant shock, "That's amazing, you're so strong for getting help. I'm so proud of you, Hyuckie. "

 

Donghyuck felt his heart flutter before continuing, "But about us. I don't know what I'm doing. I'm super scared and I don't think I'm ready for anything. I kind of want to focus on getting better before I look for any sort of relationship. I don't know how I feel about myself even, so it is not fair for me to decide how I feel about you right now."

 

"I'm afraid I'll take advantage of your kindness and use it to make me feel better," Donghyuck looked down at his feet, "The last thing I want to do is hurt you of all people. I'm- I, just, I'm not-"

 

 

"Oh, Hyuck. I'm sorry for just throwing all this on you." Mark looked sincere, "I really just, I guess I have been holding it in for so long I had to say it."

 

Donghyuck nearly cried right there. 

 

_He had been feeling this way for a while now? I had no idea._

 

"I'm just," Donghyuck took a deep breath and said, "I'm not ready."

 

"And you don't have to be." Mark's lips turned up in the corners, "And if one day you are, it doesn't have to be for me. But if it is I will gladly wait an eternity for you, Lee Donghyuck."

 

Donghyuck's eyes stung and he rushed forward to pull Mark into a hug, burrowing his face in the older boy's chest. 

 

Donghyuck whispered, "I'm just not sure if I can love anyone right now. Not like this."

 

He sniffled before pulling away and looking into Mark's eyes, "But I do hope that when I am ready it is for you too." 

 

Mark's eyes wavered and they both had tears they refused to let fall. Mark pressed a kiss to Donghyuck's forehead and pulled him in for another hug.

 

Donghyuck felt comforted, with Mark's arms around him and his words echoing in Donghyuck's brain.

 

_I will gladly wait an eternity for you, Lee Donghyuck._

 

 


	3. I really mean it from the bottom of my heart

 

After that day, nearly three months ago, something shifted between them.

 

Mark started to show more affection. Anything from holding hands to full on cuddling during their movie nights.

 

Donghyuck asked Mark if it made him uncomfortable, considering the underlying feelings.

 

Mark had just laughed and told Donghyuck not to worry, he was just worried about the younger boy and this made him feel better.

 

Donghyuck went to therapy twice a week for three more weeks. After he went to once a week, and now he is planning on going twice a month.

 

He had gradually gotten better. It took plenty of ups and downs to get to where he was, but Donghyuck knew he was at the right place with the right people.

 

Dr. Park was pleasantly surprised with how much progress he made in such a short time.

 

Taeyong had been worried that Donghyuck was showing signs of depression, but Dr. Park had told him, "Donghyuck was lucky that you brought him here so early. If he had waited maybe a month later it would have no doubt been depression. But you got him when he was still hopeful."

 

Their manager still checked up on his out of the blue frequently.

 

Heechul and Baekhyun always dote on him but they try not to bring it up.

 

Not because Donghyuck is ashamed. But because they know he is moving forward and that it isn't the only thing that makes Donghyuck, well, himself.

 

He eventually told all the other members when they all expressed their worries about where he was.

 

They were all so supportive, none of them thinking any less of him. In fact, Lucas had come up to him afterwards, nearly crying, telling him how he thought Donghyuck was so strong.

 

Chenle had also cried, Jisung would never admit it but he did too. That night, Donghyuck slept snuggled on the floor with a bunch of blankets, the two younger members on each side of him, holding him tight.

 

Donghyuck was currently walking from the elevator, rushing to the roof door. He burst through and looked around, eyes finding Mark across the roof.

 

Mark was facing away from him, leaning on the railing. He heard the door open and he turned, face breaking into a brilliant smile seeing Donghyuck.

 

"Hey Hyuck what's-"

 

Donghyuck decided to skip the talking. He marched over, grabbing Mark's face in his hands and pulled him into a kiss.

 

Mark made a noise of surprise, but closed his eyes and carefully put his hands on Donghyuck's waist.

 

Donghyuck moved away, no more than five seconds later.

 

Mark's eyebrows furrowed and he spoke confusedly, "Donghyuck?"

 

Donghyuck just grinned and used the hands, still on Mark's face, to grab him and peck his lips softly and quickly.

 

"I love you." Donghyuck whispered, looking into Mark's eyes. 

 

Mark's eyes widened and Donghyuck pressed yet another chaste kiss against his now red lips, before stepping back.

 

He grasped his hands behind his back and looked up shyly at Mark.

 

Mark wanted to ask if he was sure, but the look in Donghyuck's eyes told him it would be a dumb question to ask.

 

For Donghyuck, he rarely said 'I love you' and meant it in that way. He hadn't ever felt romantic love before Mark and he was finally at a place in his life where he could enjoy it the right way.

 

So, Mark beamed at him and walked forward.

 

Donghyuck giggled as Mark grabbed his hands and pulled him into a longer kiss.

 

Mark's arms went back to Donghyuck's waist, keeping them innocent still. Donghyuck's arms went around Mark's neck.

 

Donghyuck moved his lips slowly, no rush at all.

 

Mark had been wanting this for so long, he let himself cherish it.

 

They moved their lips against each others carefully. Molding the small pecks into a smoother action.

 

It wasn't fast or clashing. It was slow enough that they had enough time to breath through their noses so they could go for a while.

 

Donghyuck tried to push his 'sorry's into it. He felt apologetic for making Mark wait.

 

Mark responded with his own feelings of happiness. He was glad that Donghyuck trusted him with this kind of feeling.

 

Donghyuck pulled away, only to rest his forehead against Mark's, whispering with a radiant smile, "I love you."

 

Mark's eyes opened. Donghyuck had his closed still, so Mark took these few seconds to admire the blush across Donghyuck's face. The slightly red lips from kissing.

 

Donghyuck opened his eyes to stare into Mark's. He stopped speaking a few seconds ago. They stood, holding each other closely, for a while, just looking at each other.

 

Enjoying each other.

 

They felt the warm air that was starting to turn cold as the sun went down. 

 

"What brought all this on? Not that I'm complaining." Mark said, raising one of his hands to cup Donghyuck's face and stroke his cheek. He leaned into the touch.

 

 

Donghyuck looked shy now, "I actually was sitting with Doyoung and we were talking about how I am doing. I had just realized that everything in my life is coming together."

 

"I'm starting to feel better about myself, and I'm getting confidence." Donghyuck explained.

 

Mark cut in, "I can tell with how you nearly gave me a heart attack a few minutes ago."

 

Donghyuck slapped his chest and blushed, "What I also figured out was I was beginning to feel more. I feel more love for my friends and family, but mostly for you."

 

"I just snapped. I ran out. On the elevator up here I thought it all through." Donghyuck said, "You said you'd wait an eternity for me, but I don't think I can wait that long. I don't want to wait that long, not anymore."

 

Mark seemed to glow at those words, "I love you so much."

 

"I love you too."

 

 

 


	4. You have the right to become happier

 

That was how they were found. Holding each other and whispering softly, while staring at the sun setting over the city of Seoul.

 

Taeyong had walked through the roof door, knowing he would find Mark up there. He didn't think he would see Donghyuck there too.

 

He wasn't sure what was happening but he had a pretty good idea when he saw Mark kiss Donghyuck's hair and tell something to him, and when Donghyuck tightened his grip on Mark.

 

Taeyong decided to leave, texting would be the more considerate option.

 

On his way back down he sent a quick one to Mark.

 

"Did you find them?" Ten asked when Taeyong walked back into the dorm.

 

"Yeah," Taeyong spoke, "I think we should leave them though. They were having a nice moment together on the roof."

 

That was all it took for all the Dreamies to sprint out the room and rush up to the roof.

 

In the elevator Renjun said, "Ten bucks says they are making out when we get there."

 

"No way, Taeyong would've been screaming if they were." Jeno reasoned.

 

Renjun shrugged, "I guess it's a bet then."

 

They shook hands right as the door opened. They had to walk down the hall to get to the door that led outside.

 

Jaemin had his phone ready for pictures and Renjun burst through the door.

 

They all tried to fit through at once, quietly.

 

It didn't work.

 

All of sudden there were screams.

 

Jaemin was shaking as he tried to hold his phone steady.

 

Mark and Donghyuck were, in fact, making out on the roof.

 

Donghyuck pulled away, wide eyed at the loud noise that came from across the roof.

 

Mark's head snapped, and he yelled, "Get the hell out before I kill you all!"

 

Chenle giggled, no one moved, "Are you sure you weren't trying to kill Donghyuck hyung with the way you were eating his face."

 

Donghyuck flushed and Mark just let his face fall onto Donghyuck's shoulder in defeat, hiding his face in Donghyuck's neck.

 

Jisung was about to say something, but Jeno stopped him when they saw the stupid smile on Donghyuck's face while Mark whispered something to him.

 

Donghyuck whispered something back. The hand that had fallen from Mark's shoulders moved to grab Mark's and he intertwined their fingers.

 

Renjun sighed, pushing all the boys back inside.

 

"Did you see how happy Donghyuck was?" Jaemin said.

 

Everyone nodded. Jeno spoke, "I haven't seen him smile like that in a long while."

 

Renjun pouted, "I don't care how romantic they were, Jeno, you owe me ten bucks still!"

 

Jeno just laughed and nodded.

 

Back on the other side of the door, Donghyuck was currently giggling as Mark pressed soft, innocent kisses to his neck.

 

"That tickles, Minhyung." Donghyuck said in between laughs.

 

Mark hummed and continued, "So what are we going to tell the others?"

 

Donghyuck took a minute to think, focusing his gaze on the now orange sky, "The truth."

 

"And that is?" Mark asked, stopping his ministrations to lift his face and stare at Donghyuck. He was hoping, praying, for Donghyuck to say they were something more than just friends.

 

Donghyuck squeezed Mark's hand, still nervous to say, "I'd like to think we are dating, considering we just made out."

 

Mark chuckled, "Well, we should probably hurry before everyone else snitches on us and gives Jaehyun a heart attack. You know how protective he is of you."

 

Donghyuck seemed to think for a minute, "We could, or we could go back to what we were doing."

 

Mark stared at Donghyuck's coy smile, "How could I refuse such a pretty face?"

 

"You shouldn't then." Donghyuck said quickly, pressing his lips back to Marks contently.

 

((About ten minutes later, Jaehyun, followed by Johnny, barged through the doors yelling, "I'll kill you, Mark Lee!"

 

"But hyung!" Donghyuck whined as Mark was being dragged away, "He makes me happy."

 

Jaehyun stopped and Mark smiled fondly at Donghyuck.

 

"Nope. Say goodbye." Jaehyun quipped out before turning around and continuing.

 

"Hyung!"))

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> criticism is great! im not sure if anyone read my last story but im working on some new stuff for it. i just have one more old story i want to get out there.
> 
> thanks for reading!! xx

**Author's Note:**

> this is highkey me throwing my feelings onto hyuck because this guy wants to ask me out but i am not ready yet


End file.
